I've not been on here much since before my family's trip a few weeks ago now. Too much has been going on in my life and most of it has been hard to deal with. I am having alot of trouble handling everything and I honestly feel lost now. I need prayers please. I have to do something about what is going on but I really don't know what to do. Seems like everything is getting worse and not better. I don't feel like talking about anything right now but maybe will confide in someone later. Right now I just need lots of prayer and support. My family and home situation is not getting better and I don't know how much more I or they can take. It's all so overwhelming and I feel like I'm just drowning.

I'm going to continue taking a break for a while longer but am trying to at least catch up on reading posts. I'm not sure that I'll post anything in other parts of the forum for now but I might post in here some. As soon as I've caught up and can handle coming back, I'll get back on the rest of the forum too. Thanks for all your prayers and understanding. I really don't know what to think, how to feel, or what to do. I just know that something has to change and I'm lost as to what it should be. I don't even know what to pray for anymore. I just know to pray.

Dana, I have been thinking alot about you the last couple of weeks. I have been praying and will continue to pray for you.

You know my e-mail...feel free to drop me a line.

Hugs,

Dana

I'm so sorry you're going through such a hard time! I pray that you find the right way, and you and your family will find peace.

In the meantime, know we're here for you!

Hi Dana. (((HUGS)))

I'm sorry your having trouble. Of coarse I'll pray for you.

You need to sit back, take a deeeeep breath, and say, Dear Lord God, I trust You.... You take control and put me where You want me, may Thy Will be done to me..... I'm in Thy Hands. Do with me what You will. Amen.

He'll take it from there.....

God Bless you. Amen

Dana, I know these feelings exactly. I have been in this spot for awhile and though our circumstances may be very different, I hear your call for help. I will include you in my prayers, and if you need to talk my email is below. Just try to remember that change is constant and that it won't be this way forever.

quote:

Originally posted by Canine Kelley:
Seems like everything is getting worse and not better. I really don't know what to think, how to feel, or what to do. I just know to pray.

Dana, All these many months of reading some of your posts I have wondered how you remained so upbeat and positive. I know the feeling of overwhelming helplessness, it is a terrible cross to bear. Know that we all are praying for you. You are a strong woman, hang in there.

dana...what has worked for me when i've had my spells of helplessness is simply to say 'god...this is more than i can handle...you have to do it for me.'

and you know what...he has.

the more i struggle to fix things the more out of control things seem to get. so i just lean back on god and let him guide me.

it works, dana. just open your heart, your hands, your mind, and let him fill you with his love. you don't have to 'do' anything but let him take charge.

Dana, sweetie, just take it 'one day at a time'. Sometimes in life we get thrown curveballs and don't know why or how. All we can do is put our heads into the wind and keep on walking. Things will sort themselves out, even though it may not seem as if they will; especially if you keep that sweet faith you have. (((((HUGS)))))) to you.

I came back last night to read all the replies. It took until this morning to read them through without any tears. I didn't sleep much last night. Been going through everything in my mind trying to make some sense of it. I've send messages out to some of my other friends too and I'm a little surprised at the responses. Everyone is so caring and supportive...I can't believe I've been blessed to know everyone, both on here and everywhere else.

My request for prayer this time came after a spontaneous argument between me and mom (although my brother also joined in). Some things were said that were very confusing and pretty hurtful. We don't hate each other...but we're having so much trouble fighting battles that we seem to be losing and it's getting everyone on edge and we're beginning to clash more often and easily. We all 3 feel so helpless with things right now and it's causing us to go against each other...which is putting a good amount of strain on our relationship as a family. We're pretty much all each other has. Just us and God. Nothing else is really of higher value. Right after the argument I went out for a long walk down the road. Was gone for almost 2 hours. I only came back when I felt I had thought everything through and came up with a plan. It was a rough draft though, that needed alot of perfecting and I ended up thinking on it even more last night.

I'm not quite as hurt and upset as I was to begin with. I guess I'm more numb right now. I've been writing things out and rethinking everything. I've come up with some kind of an idea that I'm gonna put into action over the next few months. There are some things that have been considered over the last month or so. The biggest thing is another move...another attempt to move forward in our lives. Nothing is set in stone yet though. Half the time it seems like things are going to work out. The other half, I can still see how unstable the whole thing is.

Started out with a guy that is friends with Mom's oldest blood daughter. His name is Ryan and mom is doing his taxes for him. It's a big mess and he really needs someone to help him get things straightened out. Turns out that he and his wife are Christians. He's an artist, a painter, and has his own business. He also does construction work. He's only about 10 years older than me and his wife is just 2 years older than me. They are the sweetest couple I've met in a long time. They need some help with the business. He needs a book keeper, secretary, accountant, and web designer/manager. They are also having a baby in June and need someone to help them care for the baby while they are working. They just bought a house in north Georgia and ended up also buying a home right next to theirs. Ryan has offered to fix up the 2nd house and let up move up there and live in it rent free. He's also offered to give mom a job doing his books, taxes, and such. He's offered to help mom and Cathie (mom's oldest daughter) to set up their own accounting business as well. He's offered to help my brother set up his own business working on computers. They want me to help them with the baby and I'd also be helping mom with stuff. My brother and/or I could also work on his business website. He's offered to fund alot of this and allow us to pay him back the expenses slowly...then once we've given him back whatever he put into it, the businesses would be ours completely. It all sounds really nice...and I've been excited about it. But things like this have come up in the past and it's always fallen through. We've ended up being lied to and got burned pretty badly. We all 3 like Ryan and his wife Kelli. They have a very sweet dog, too. And the situation being offered looks like a perfect solution. But nothing has been locked in yet. The house can't be closed on until June. As of now, the guy who sold it to Ryan, still hasn't gotten his stuff out and Ryan can't do any work to fix it up until the guy moves his stuff out. June would be the earliest we could move but it looks like the house might not be ready then either.

In the mean time, mom gets her Medicare in June. (I was also hoping to have my puppy in June...but that's not looking good either.) We're stuck here in a mobile home that is really better than the one we originally left the first time we tried to move out of Florida. But, and there's definitely a "but" in there....the rent here is $400 (was $450 but the landlords reduced it for us). That's the first thing that gets paid every month, and it's leaving just over $300 from Mom's check. The electricity here is running awfully high at nearly and sometimes over $200 month. Seems like everyone we talk to here is paying close to that and we're not all using THAT much electricity. We've even got the good light bulbs that use less energy and the bill is still high...although it does seem to have gone down a bit since changing the lights. We had to go to a local finance place to get help paying the electric bill to keep it from being turned off. Power company said if they turned it off, we'd have to pay the amount due, plus fees, plus another $500 on top of the original $500 security deposit that we paid in December in order to get everything turned back on. So far, we've kept it on. TV has now been turned off twice. It's off as of now and only thing due on it was $30 something. Mom's car insurance HAS to be paid or else we won't be able to go anywhere. We have only the one car and it's been threatening to die on us for a while now. (Transmission is slipping.) Our phone has been off for about 2 months now, I think. Don't ask me why/how we still have internet. I have no idea...but I won't argue because it's about the only way I have to communicate now. I've got my cell phone which is on a family plan. My natural father is paying my costs since Jan...because I've not been able to give him any money since then. I had paid up through December but no work means no more money. My costs are only about $20 (rounding a bit) but he's been complaining about it. The signal here at the house is lousy too so we have to go out somewhere just to make a call without it dropping.

Mom is supposed to be able to work for our pastor 3 days a week but that's not working out so well. First, they're not giving her enough to do anyway and second, they're only paying her about $50 day. She gets paid for the days she works only...which I know any other job would do...but then they're more like extended family that we've known for over 15 years and they know that we are struggling. If she goes in a bit late or leaves early...she's not paid for time she's not there...but if she works longer, she's not paid for that either. It's hurting us more than it's helping us. If mom gets sick and can't work, no pay for that time. Again, I know any other job would be like that but you would think that close friends would be more understanding and try to help. But they are not at all and it's really putting alot of strain on things...esp mom's relationship with them. I hate to think we'd lose them as friends and extended family. But it's getting to a point, we can't even trust them because they are actually hurting us more than helping us. And there's more to it than just the job issue. They are the reason we moved here in 2000...they are the reason we've stayed so long...and they are the reason we are back here now. They're the ones that said if we came back that they'd give mom her job again and help us out. We had to borrow $1,500 from them just to move back...and we're still trying to pay that back to them but they don't seem willing to help us get on our feet enough to actually be able to do that. I love them...but they are not helping us. They are just making things harder.

That's just the surface stuff...but it's the hardest part right now. I'm struggling with wanting desperately to help and not know how to. Jobs down here (and anywhere for that matter) are really not easy to come by. And with such unstable living and travel arrangements, I don't know if it's even worth trying to work or not. Of course, I've got the pending decision with social security and that makes things more complicated. If I work, I can't get the SS...if I get SS, I can't work. It takes so long to get that approval and the checks that we're hurting while waiting...but if I go to work, then SS will trash everything and if I ever want to try for it again, I'll have to start over and wait that much longer. I don't know what's worse, waiting for SS to approve or getting a job that may not last or may not pay enough to really help. Having to travel a good 20 - 30 miles one way for most ANY job...and gas prices going up and up (with seemingly no end) makes for almost greater expense just to get and keep a job than it'd be to not have one at all. I feel like I am being lazy while waiting for SS but at the same time, I don't want to jump in for a job and then end up losing it after a few months because 1: we move or 2: they decide to let me go because I'm not able to do the job well enough in spite of my limitations. :-( While it takes so long to get SS to approve, I feel like it's the most stable option at the moment. If I can just get them to hear my case and approve...I'd have the needed medical coverage AND a bit of income to help pay bills. If we move, no problem...I'd still have the money (although I'd most likely not qualify for the medical coverage in GA since mom didn't either). If I can't handle working for any length of time...again no problem...still have the money to pay bills. Only problem is, technically, I can't work...while I'm waiting or even after I get approved...unless it's cash (under the table) or through a business where the taxes are paid under a business name instead of my personal name. Neither of those are readily available options right now though.

There's so much more but this is the biggest of what's going on. I'm so confused on what I should be doing and I hate how much my family is hurting. I want this deal with Ryan and his wife, to work out for us. Because I think it would really help alot of things that we're struggling with. I want to have faith and believe that it WILL work out. But I honestly don't know what God's will is or what He has planned. I don't know if this deal with Ryan is God's will for us or not. If it is not what God has for us, then I know He will open another door...but I also know His timing isn't always our timing...and I really am ready for things to get better. I feel like I've finally hit rock bottom and reached my breaking point. I spent nearly all of last night trying to find some kind of strength to get back up. I am thinking that I'm going to keep waiting to see what happens with the deal with Ryan. I will trust God to do what He wills for this situation. If it is His will for this to work out, I'll be more than happy to welcome it all. If the door gets closed like everything else has, though, I feel I need to make a move to change this constant cycle. I think I've decided that if, by June, things don't happen or don't at least look more promising...I'm going to reach out to all the friends I have and try to step out on my own. I'll have to do it with almost nothing. I've got no income (not even a savings). No car, no job. No way to pay for anything...not any bills or for any place to stay. I'll have to find someone I trust that I could stay with short term. Somewhere I could possibly walk to where ever I needed since driving isn't possible for me in more ways than one. I wouldn't be able to keep much of my things with me if I do that and I think I'd have to give up on SS and go job hunting again. I'm beginning to feel I may have to do this in order to get anywhere. I can't let my family keep hurting and I can't help at all unless something changes on my end. So, I'm gonna wait a while longer and depending on what happens in the next few months, I think I'm gonna work out details of what else to do next. If my family can't pull out of this together...then one of us has to step out and do something. If at least one of us could get out and stable...maybe then could help all of us. I don't know yet...but I'm going to start climbing back up the mountain until I get to the top and can get over it. I'll either do it by myself (with help from God, prayers, and friends and then help my family once I get to the top)...or with my family all together.

((((Hugs)))) for you Dana! I know what it is like to feel helpless and stuck. You are in my prayers

When I feel really down and don't know what to pray, I just repeat to myself "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want..." over and over. That helps me calm down when I'm very anxious about "worldly" things.

Good luck and keep us posted

Dana--you are definitely in my prayers. Life is so very hard sometimes.......

As far as your Social Security goes, it is a little more complex than working or not. There are times when you can work a little and still be able to get Social Security Disability. But--is there a local Legal Aid in your area? If there is, you should call them and make an appointment to talk to them. It is possible they can help you, and they would be able to advise you.

Dana,
I'm so sorry that you and your family are having such a hard times.
Maybe your place of worship might be able to offer some support.

My prayers and thoughts are with you.

Dana - I hardly ever go on this site as all the stories break my heart. I know times are tough for everyone but your story is so sad. I hope you can come out of this slump soon. And I know the jobs you were offered sound so good but you must get it in writing - everything from rent to pay back. I agree a legal aid office is your best bet to see what you are eligible for - foodstamps, heat, etc. My very best to you and your family.

Quick update...

The deal with Ryan is not gonna work. Found that out just in the last few days. Apparently his idea of helping us was not what we had understood it to be. Seems all he was going to do was let us live in the house rent free and all the work we were gonna do for him was in exchange for not having to pay rent. There wouldn't be any extra pay and although he did mean he would help Jon and Mom set up business, the details and conditions weren't what we had understood them to be either. So, we are no longer counting on that as an option.

On the other hand, we still need to find somewhere to go because our current living situation isn't working either. We don't own a lawn mower and the land lords want the lawn to be kept mowed. We are find with that but it means borrowing someone else's mower. We're even cool with supplying our own gas for it, but the land lords now want to charge $15 every time we use their mower. This is on top of them having problems with our cats because it seems that a few stay cats have decided to hang around and the strays are tearing things up...which our cats are also getting involved in because every time our cats go anywhere near the underside of the houses, the land lords are fussing that the cats are tearing up stuff...which we are now keeping ours inside...but it's still causing conflict.

The phone company finally figured out that our internet was still on, so they've now turned it off. So we're out of internet service until we can get the bill paid but they don't want to accept partial payments over the next few weeks, which we could do much easier than paying the $400 and something that they want, to turn both the phone and internet back on. I do have my cell phone which thankfully is still in service even though my natural father is complaining because he's having to pay the $20 for my costs since I've been unable to pay him since Jan. I had paid him for all of last year but started in Jan, I haven't had any money to pay for my costs this year and he thinks it's going to break him to cover a little $20 more than his own costs. (Never mind that he never paid child support when I was a kid and I loaned him over $2,000 a few years ago just helping him pay bills that he couldn't pay because he spent his money on stupid computer stuff.) But, for the moment, I still have a cell phone although we have to leave the house to get a signal to call anywhere.

So anyway, we're trying to figure things out but it's taking alot out of us. As soon as we can get our phone and internet back on, I'll post another update. I'm gonna just started putting in applications around here and pray that someone will hire me because I don't know what else to do and we have to have something to help. Please pray that God will show us what we are to do, where we are to go, and open all the doors we need. I'm really trying.

Going to have a family Bible study and discussion tonight. I'm going to suggest that we study Job together, considering the situation we have. I think it's very appropriate and maybe we can learn something from it.

Anyway, I am at Krystal right now and still have to let my brother borrow my laptop so I am gonna go now. I'm going to email my cell number to a few memebers, and if they want to call, then that way I can stay in touch on here until I'm back online. Hope it won't be long.

Dana, I'm so sorry, Hang on,Jesus is there and You and your family will be in my prayers tonight.

hang in there prayers sent to you!

Prayers for you Dana. I know money is a big issue in life. With all the things going up these day, I feel for your situation. My sister is being threatened with eviction. We have had some tough times ourself my husband and I. My hubby just recently lost his job. Found one but now making a great deal much less. I pull from savings every month to pay alla the bills. Unfortunately, prices are going up and my savings decreases each month. I only have enough left for 2-3 more months tops with no part-time job prospects for my hubby. Somehow, God takes care of us and we seem to get through each month. I know he will take care of you and your family. You just have to keep believing.

I got to come to the library so I can check in with things. We had our family Bible study last night and really enjoyed it.

I keep reading all the responses. They really are comforting and help alot. I've been doing alot of praying....for us and everyone else because it seems so many families and people are having a hard time. And like Melody said, the prices are just going up and up but income is getting harder and harder to bring in.

I don't yet know how it's gonna work out for us or anyone but I know that God has a plan and He will take care of it all. During the Bible study last night, I suggested that as we read about Job and his trials, we consider the similarities in our own situation. I also suggested that we compare our own reactions to our situation to the reactions Job had toward his trials. Maybe in doing that, we will be able to see if we are handling this the way God would want us to...or if we may have reacted in anyway that might have been against God's will. We also prayed together last night (as we often do anyway) and asked God to help us see what He wants us to do and to help us learn something from Job that we could use to apply to our problems. We read through chapter 8 last night and will be reading through more of the book until we finish.

Today, I received a copy of Ma's book that was sent to me by surprise. :-) I want to say it was the best thing that I could get right now and I will be reading through it while I'm offline. I would also like to say "Thank You!" to the person who sent it to me.

We are going to church on Sunday and there is a special speaker there plus a lunch afterwards. I'm kind of looking forward to that.

Anyway, I'll be back on again soon to check in. Thank you all for your prayers. I know that when many pray together in Jesus' name, that amazing things happen so I am believing for some good to come soon. I know that God blesses those who endure the trials in their lives so I am looking forward to those blessings when the time comes for them. I am also praying for those others who are struggling, in any way, because I know that my family is just one of the many that are having a hard time. I am praying for grace and mercy and many blessings for everyone. I'm glad to have a place like this where everyone lifts each other up and prays for each other. It is much easier to get through tough times when you have others to help you through them. I am very thankful for that and will give nothing less in return than the same prayers and support as I am receiving. Much thanks and hugs to you all. :-)

Dana, I've told you about my solution and how Jon can start his own carrer and even help cover medical expenses for one of you in the process as well as sending a little cash your way on a regular basis.....this would be a good time to get that started....you have my # call collect if you need to with questions! There are many more options than your looking at!